How to stop phubbing (without throwing your phone away)

What is phubbing? The meaning behind the word

Phubbing is a blend of phone and snubbing. It was coined in May 2012 by a group of lexicographers, poets and language experts gathered at the University of Sydney, as part of a McCann campaign for Australia’s Macquarie Dictionary. The goal was to name something everyone did but nobody had a word for, and it stuck: today it’s used around the world, including in academic research.

Typical examples:

• Glancing at every notification that lights up the screen at the table.
• Replying to a message while someone is telling you something that matters to them.
• Scrolling on the couch next to your partner, each of you on your own screen.
• Reaching for your phone the moment a conversation goes quiet.

Not every bit of phone use around people is phubbing. Looking up a restaurant together or showing a photo from your trip is part of the conversation. The difference is whether the phone brings you closer to the person in front of you or takes you away from them.

Why phubbing hurts: what the research says

There’s a fair amount of research on phubbing, and it’s worth reading carefully, because not all of it is as clear-cut as the headlines:

• Almost everyone does it. In a Pew Research Center survey of more than 3,000 U.S. adults, 89% of cellphone owners had used their phone during their most recent social gathering, and 82% of adults said doing so frequently or occasionally hurts the conversation.
• In couples, it causes friction. A Baylor University study of 453 U.S. adults found that 46.3% said their partner phubbed them and 22.6% said it caused conflict in their relationship. People who felt phubbed more were, on average, less satisfied with their relationship. Keep in mind it’s a survey: it shows an association, not that the phone is the cause.
• The more normal it feels, the more people do it. A 2025 study of 1,506 people aged 18 to 65 in Argentina found that most saw phubbing as normal behavior, and that feeling phubbed was associated with phubbing others more.

Does just having a phone on the table ruin a conversation? A widely cited 2013 experiment by Przybylski and Weinstein suggested so: pairs who talked with a phone in view felt less close. But when a team at HEC Paris repeated the experiment using the same procedure in 2021, they failed to replicate that effect. The honest takeaway: what matters is less the phone sitting there and more what you do with it. Still, keeping it out of sight removes the temptation to pick it up, and that’s what really counts.

How to stop phubbing: 6 steps that work

1. Out of sight, not just face down. At dinner or over drinks, keep your phone in your bag, your jacket or another room. If it’s on the table, every buzz is an invitation.
2. Silence anything that isn’t urgent. A Focus for when you’re with people only lets through the contacts you choose (your family, say) and quiets the rest. The steps are just below.
3. If you have to check it, say so. “Sorry, just checking if the delivery has arrived” changes a lot: the other person knows what’s going on and for how long, and you’re more likely to keep it to a second.
4. Agree on phone-free moments. Meals, the first half hour after getting home, bed. A few specific moments work better than “let’s use our phones less.” A basket or a drawer for phones means nobody has to play the bad guy.
5. Move your most addictive apps off the first screen. A lot of phubbing happens on autopilot: a pause in the conversation, you unlock, you open whatever you see first. If your home screen only has tools, the reflex goes nowhere.
6. Fill the gaps differently. Pauses in a conversation are normal. If they make you reach for your phone, keep a question ready (“what was the best part of your week?”) instead.

If what you struggle with isn’t only being around people but putting your phone down in general, there are more ideas in how to stop checking your phone all the time.

Set up a Focus for time with people (iPhone)

A dedicated Focus for dinners or nights out is the quickest way to stop your phone from demanding attention. You set it up once and turn it on with a tap:

1. Open Settings › Focus and tap the + button.
2. Choose Custom, give it a name (for example “With people”) and an icon.
3. Under People, allow only the people who might genuinely need you (your partner, your parents, your kids’ school).
4. Under Apps, leave out social media, email and news.
5. If you want others to know you’re not ignoring them, turn on Share Focus Status: people who message you will see that you have notifications silenced.

To turn it on, swipe down from the top-right corner to open Control Center and tap Focus. If you also want to cut down on the apps that ping you too often, see how to turn off notifications on iPhone without missing what matters.

Android has something similar: Do Not Disturb and, on many phones, Digital Wellbeing modes. The names vary by manufacturer.

When your partner (or a friend) is phubbing you

The hard part here isn’t the phone, it’s the conversation. A few ideas to keep it from turning into a fight:

• Talk about how you feel, not what they’re doing wrong. “When you look at your phone while I’m telling you something, I don’t feel heard” lands far better than “you’re always on your phone.”
• Pick a good moment. Not in the middle of an argument or with the phone in hand: a walk or a calm evening works better.
• Make a rule together. Something small that applies to both of you, like phone-free dinners or keeping phones out of the bedroom. A rule for only one person feels like a punishment.
• Check your own habits too. The Argentine study above suggests phubbing is contagious: it’s easy to spot in others and miss in yourself.

If evenings are your hardest time, how to stop using your phone before bed shows how to keep it out of bed without losing your alarm.